Episode 35: Mark Berridge: acquiring disability

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Choice and Control episode 6.2 

Mark Berridge: acquiring disability 

Transcript 

0:00 Carers Queensland announcement: LAC Connect: It’s a new way to stay in touch with your Local Area Co-ordinator, Carers Queensland. With everything you need right here on your device. It’s a handy app to keep track of your LAC appointments, browse workshops and events, check out information and support, and get the latest news, stories and podcasts. It’s available on Android and iOS, so whatever device you have you can stay in touch. Head to our website to sign up at www.carersqld.com.au and look for LAC Connect.  

0:40: voiceover: Choice and Control, a podcast celebrating people with disability. Brought to you by Carers Queensland, NDIS Local Area Co-ordination Partner in the Community.    

Mark Berridge is an author, speaker, family man, and ready to face up to a hard physical challenge.  He had a successful corporate career that saw him working with international players like Rio Tinto, but that all changed in 2019 when Mark acquired disability as a result of a cycling accident.  

1:08 Mark Berridge: It was actually a really beautiful morning. It was March, it wasn’t particularly humid. I just remember coming down the hill in Fig Tree Pocket, it was about halfway through a 70km run. I was typically riding 200-250 k’s per week. Just that little bit of crispness in the air actually, which is surprising for March, beautiful sunny morning. Just thinking ‘how good is this?’  

Coming around a corner and suddenly the front wheel lost traction through the corner, it sort of hit a little indentation in the road, and first thing that went through my mind was ‘regain control of the bike, understand your options’. So very quickly going through that process and then, what are my options? I decided to crash straight ahead, because there was a park straight ahead. But unfortunately, whilst I knew I was going over the handlebars, once I made that decision I didn’t appreciate that there was a stormwater drain in the grassy park. I flew quite high, just the way that my trajectory went, and came down roughly 1.6-1.7m below ground level into the bottom of this stormwater drain. My helmet and my left shoulder hit the ground first, I was sort of pile driving into the ground.  

I fell onto my side at the bottom of this ditch, my helmet probably hit the edge of the bluestone rock wall. A loose of bit bluestone rock was at the bottom of the ditch and that created a very nasty blow to my helmet, but fortunately the helmet did a great job. And just immense pain. So I guess the next thing I know, I didn’t ever lose consciousness, I sort of knew that the guys that were cycling closest to me were coming nearby and calling the ambulance, I could hear that going on. All I could remember was just this intense searing pain in my back and just, ‘how do I try and slow things down and control my breathing and not panic in this situation?’ because I was obviously very, I was in a lot of shock I guess, because of the blow and the level of the pain.  

3:02 Fiona Stutz: Absolutely. And then the ambulance took you to hospital, what happened then?  

3:06 Mark: Took a while for the ambulance to come, paramedics did an amazing job. Took them a while to brainstorm how to get me out of the bottom of the ditch, because it was concaved and they couldn’t really get the stretcher underneath me et cetera. So all that took a bit of problem-solving, and then they had to walk away from the ambulance to get me safely out of the ditch. All that process took a while, and the boys had called my wife and let them know that I am on the way to the hospital and perhaps she meet me there. They called the ambulance at 7am in the morning, I think I probably got to the hospital about an hour later and started getting processed through Emergency. Met Lucy there, and roughly 10am is when I got the results of all the scans et cetera that I’d been having to that point. 

That was a complete shock, I just really wasn’t ready for the news that was delivered, which was that I’d, well, I had five fractured bones but two fractured vertebrae most materially. One of those vertebrae was 40% of its original height, a very large piece of it had gone into my spinal cord, and overall all those injuries were causing significant, more than 50% compression on my spinal cord. Because I had no idea what that meant, it just sounded terrible, and obviously I was not prepared for the words ‘spinal cord injury’. I just didn’t, even though the pain was intense I don’t think I ever expected that. But the comment of the 50% compression or more than 50% compression of your spinal cord was the one that most impacted me, because I just didn’t understand what that meant. You know, suddenly thinking ‘well, is that like the power to my legs? If I’ve only got 50% of the functionality in my legs or 50% of the power how am I going to stand up, how am I going to get around?’  

Certainly they weren’t painting a very rosy picture of my future mobility. Even if the operation was successful, it was likely to be very, very hard to regain mobility.  There will be listeners out there that have been there for those conversations and it’s very difficult to hear. I can't even recall being able to lift my head off the plinth to be able to see who was speaking, you know, when I heard the news. It was a very tough moment, and probably spent I think at least four hours just completely lost after that.  

Lucy’s had to drive home to let the children know that Dad’s had an accident. At that stage they’d been sleeping and didn’t know much more other than to hang out washing and feed dogs. So I imagine that was a very, very tough drive home, framing it in your mind how you’re going to have that discussion with the children. So she’s gone home to do that and I am just sitting there – lying there, sorry, not sitting anywhere – lying immobile, I guess, wallowing for quite a while in terms of ‘do I have the strength to take this challenge on?’  

6:04 Fiona: As you were saying, your wife and your children, they’ve had those feelings ‘now what’s going to happen with their lives? What’s going to happen with your life?’ What was your exact feeling towards now acquiring a disability? How were you physically and mentally after the accident?  

6:21 Mark: Oh, I think in those few hours in particular, it’s very hard not to go to the worse case scenarios and catastrophise what’s happened. So very much I was thinking like ‘I’m going to be a burden to my family for the rest of the time that I am alive’. And I didn’t really you know want that outcome, and I guess living a very active lifestyle with three active children, we all played a lot of sport, I guess always associated myself as being sporty in my own sports activities and very much involved in theirs, and all of a sudden you’re thinking none of that's going to be the same. I may not even walk my daughter down the aisle in the same way. And so having all of those thoughts at that point in time, and you’re in turmoil, and I think I just had to spend a few hours just dealing with that.  

And then trying to find my way to find inspiration of who’s, what other people do I know and what other visions can I have of people that have been in tougher situations? And how might they have taken on their situations to tackle it rather than get overwhelmed by it? I don’t know exactly what they would have done to tackle those situations, but if I can imagine what they might have done and if I could start to try and replicate what I imagine they might have done, then I might have a chance to I guess make some progress. And ultimately any progress would be better than where I was.  

7:59 Fiona: It's amazing just those few hours you’re already thinking so far into the future.  But explain to me after those first few hours, you’ve had surgery, now what was involved in your rehabilitation? And what was it like learning to walk again?   

8:14 Mark: There was a point where I really had to trust the specialist that this was the right steps. I think I was pretty comfortable that once they’d said ‘you’re going to have these two 23cm rods put up your back and screwed to your good vertebrae with screws the size of your little finger’, I guess I was pretty much ok with that and if that’s pathway forward then that’s my pathway forward.  So most of, once I sort of got through that initial wallow, most of that first day was just ‘well that’s the first step I’ve just got to get through the operation.’  

And of course then I wake up post the operation and I can't even slide myself a centimeter up my bed, I couldn’t move anything. I really was so incapacitated, I guess in part by the operation but also now that I’ve got some license to be able to move, because the first day they just immobilised me for safety, – I realised I can't move at all. No wonder I wasn’t trying to get up when I was at the bottom of the ditch because I just literally can’t move. So all of a sudden you’re back in that ditch of, you know, there is no hope, how can I face this? And you’ve got to really build all that sense of hope. 

I guess those longer term goals you were talking about, of where I’d like to get to, I had to rebuild them again the next day.  And then, I guess that would be the first thing I did from a rehabilitation perspective and a learn to walk perspective, was just focus on what can I do today? I can't move myself in bed, it’s just exhausting. Well, I can wiggle my toes, or attempt to wiggle my toes because at that stage I had virtually no movement in my feet. Particularly my big toe on the left was the worst of all, it was consistently giving no movement. Nut I’d just strain everything in my whole body and try and reconnect to the feet, and try and get something to move. And they’re telling me to breathe deep so I don’t get any complications from the operation and don’t damage the lungs. It hurts like nothing else but I can do that.   

So at the very start it was just focus on what I can do. And obviously it was listening to the physios as they told me what I can do and what I should do, and just doing it as often as I could, as thoroughly as I could. At that stage that was the only hope I had, was just following those little small steps and just doing them, and doing them,, and doing them and doing them, so that’s what I did.   

So now we’re talking 30-odd hours post operation. The physio comes in and says ‘we’re going to get you to stand up.’ And I’m going ‘hang on, I’ve worked out how little I can move in bed, I really don’t think this is going to work. You must be kidding, right? There’s no way my legs are going to take me.’ And they had a rollator which is sort of this wheeled walking frame and two physios either side of me and I think a nurse may have been asked to be on standby too. They taught me to sit up on the side of the bed, and helped me do that, and that was extraordinarily painful and difficult. And then they got me, holding me each side and got me to get up and about on the rollator. My legs were just shaking uncontrollably and they can't really take the weight and they don’t really know what’s going on. We stood for a while and sort of just got the feel for that, and I’ve probably got 50% of my weight or more going through the rollator, through my arms, because my legs just can't bear the load. Which wasn’t ideal because I had a fractured left scapula and fractured left wrist so I wasn’t really supposed to be putting any weight particularly through the left hand, but I just couldn’t put it through the legs. And they said ‘oh, let’s just trying to take a couple of steps.’ They had me walk two meters to the door, leading into the doorway of my room, leaning into that rollator, and back. And I think that was probably one of those worst moments, because you suddenly realise ‘I’ve got no idea where my feet are below me and how to operate them.’ So that was extraordinarily difficult.  

Roughly a week after that was my first attempt at walking in the parallel bars, which was equally traumatic, I guess, and difficult. I felt so defeated, but I just had to use their advice that this was going to be the way forward. How do I just do it, what they’re asking me to do, as difficult as it might be? Because my only hope for progress is to give my heart and soul to what they're telling me to do.  

12:22 Fiona: And this accident, and your journey, this led you to writing your book “A Fraction Stronger”. Tell me about that?  

12:30 Mark: Probably it took a long time to sort of come to that point. So, mid-2020, so we’re talking 15 months after the accident, I sort of wrote something publicly for the first time about my accident and dealing with the disruption. Everyone was dealing with covid at that stage, so everyone had their own disruption, and it seemed to resonate. And so a few people were saying I should write and speak some more about, you know, how you tackled your adversity and share it for helping other people. 

Probably took me six months or so to get my head around it and commit, and then I decided ‘yeah, so many people came to hospital or did things that helped me, what can I do to potentially help other people deal what’s a very tough situation?’  

So that led to the start of the writing journey, did a few months with a book coach to try and get the right structure. That led to a publisher having some interest in my book. Then another few months working with them to get the book up to the standard that they saw it needed to be, to engage readers all the way through it and to really be vulnerable all the way through the book. I think in the first drafts I’d sort of been uncomfortable about it being too much about me, and opening up too much, there was sort of parts of the book where I’d opened up a lot but not all the way through the book. With their encouragement and their support I guess I delved into more of those feelings all the way through the book, to really create a journey hopefully where people, for better or for worse, it will be sometimes where it doesn’t feel that great, but are really with me through that journey. And there’s some other stories in the book, people who have inspired me. 

Hopefully that will inspire readers so they can sort of be there, and sort of reflect on their own strengths and what they can do if they were ever in that same situation, or if they’re supporting someone that’s in that situation, or just if they want to tackle some difficult change that they haven’t been able to do. There’s a bit of a framework there and it might help them. So that became the background of the book, and yeah I guess overall that was probably about a year’s process. I’d say six months’ worth of pretty much full time work for me, which is a couple of days a week, really focussed on pumping out the book within that year. 

“A Fraction Stronger” hit bookstores in late February this year and it’s just been, I guess, humbling in terms of some of the emails and feedback I’ve received from people that have been in a very difficult situation and how the book’s helped them. You know, that’s a very nice thing to have happened out of what was a very, very difficult situation.  

15:09 Carers Queensland announcement: If you’re looking for maximum flexibility and choice, self-managing your NDIS plan might be the right option for you. Carers Queensland's free Introduction to Self-Management workshop covers the benefits of self-managing your plan, how it works, and the practical side of arranging support and managing payments. This workshop is offered in person and online. Find out more, check for events coming up near you, and book your spot online at www.carersqld.com.au.  

15:40 Mark: I’m very fortunate, I sort of, basically life is relatively normal. I can walk about 50% of the pace that I used to walk, and walking uphill or with any load is difficult. My balance, I’ve got to be very careful, I’m very reliant on my sight because of my proprioception not being perfect. So walking in the dark or something like that, or a slippery surface, is scary, uncomfortable, difficult. Getting up and down off the ground is, let’s call it inconvenient but it’s probably worse than that.  Yeah, my mobility is well short of perfect but at the same time it’s at a level where life’s relatively normal for most tasks, albeit with some focus and extra energy. I guess it’s hard to say, how much did the way I tackled my predicament lead to that being a better outcome? I think there’s no doubt some, exactly how much that some is, is hard to say. But yeah, very proud of I guess where I’ve got to, even though at times it’s still has its challenges in terms of physical mobility.  

16:50 Fiona: Absolutely, but it sounds like you should be very proud because I understand you took part in Tasmania’s Three Capes Track?  

16:56 Mark: If you’ve been in a situation where physical or some other ability has been taken away and you’re just doing your best to apply yourself to the rehab for that, it can be pretty soulless, thankless at times. You don’t really feel like you’re, it’s hard to assess how much progress you’re making, and so obviously the ways I deal with that is having small incremental goals but also having aspirational goals. For me, doing this very significant scenic walk in Tasmania called the Three Capes Walk where you’re looking down over Tasman Island and walking through National Park, became mine.   

So it’s 54km over four days. The last two days in particular were extremely tough for me. Well, I wouldn’t have made it but for my physio’s help in preparing me, but also my physio saying that she wouldn’t sign off on me going unless I went and saw a dietitian and got special energy gels and other things to help me get through it. Because it was effectively an ultra-marathon for me, you know, a stretch target that I really wanted to do. 

To get out there and walk to the bottom of the south-east corner of Tasmania and look down over Tasman Island off the highest sea cliffs in the southern hemisphere, it was just truly beautiful. I did it with a Tasmanian walking company so that I didn’t have to carry a full pack. I was just carrying my clothes and water, so about 9kg every day, but I couldn’t, even that for me was a huge amount. I couldn’t have carried that but for using walking poles, so I had to use walking poles the whole way through. I think I was probably sore in my shoulder blades for you know two weeks afterwards from how hard my shoulders and arms had worked, effectively sharing that load of the pack and dragging myself up and down hills using those poles. But yeah, it was an aspirational target that I reached, and probably nothing better than standing there and looking over a view that you’ve really set yourself, for 18 months of ‘that’s something I’d like to achieve.’ So yeah, a very special feat.   

19:02 Fiona: So now with your acquired disability, you’re an NDIS participant. When did you access the Scheme, and how did you find out about it?  

19:11 Mark: A really important counsellor, and I do write about in the book, is in general I tried hard not to be proud in my recovery, and reach out and seek help. But that was one moment that but for the pressing of social workers in the hospital I probably might have just dismissed something that I really shouldn’t have. I am so grateful and they pushed on and said ‘no Mark, this is really important. we want to apply to this.’ And they kicked off that process for me while I was in hospital. Then once I started coming out of my day hospital treatments, so July, I reached out to follow up with the NDIS and have my first meeting with my local Carers Queensland person.  

As a result of that I found my physio that I continue to work with today. I probably wouldn’t have found that physio but for the NDIS process, and she’s a specialist in the area. Whereas I may not have found the right specialist and just gone to a general physio, which still might have been good but wouldn’t have good as what I’ve been able to access. So both in terms of I guess the plan itself, but also the way that triggered outcomes for me by who I selected for treatment, the NDIS has just been a cornerstone of my recovery. I would not be the same person on so many levels, probably wouldn’t have written a book, probably wouldn’t be as mobile as I am but for the NDIS. Fundamentally I can't see how I ever would have recovered physically to the same level but for that NDIS support. Particularly because I’ve used it so focussed around physio, and those physical gains. I’d be having a much more difficult time bar for the NDIS, so it’s just life changing in terms of the way it’s helped me tackle my recovery and achieve improvements.  

21:03: voiceover: You can find out more about Mark’s work and his book “A Fraction Stronger” on his website at www.markberridge.com.au. 

Thanks for joining us at Choice and Control, a Carers Queensland podcast. For more information about the National Disability Insurance Scheme or Carers Queensland, contact us online at www.carersqld.com.au. You can call us on 1300 999 636, or head to Facebook and look for ‘Carers Queensland NDIS’.  

Mentioned in this episode 

• Mark Berridge's website
• Carers Queensland website 
• Carers Queensland upcoming events and workshops 
• Carers Queensland NDIS on Facebook 
• Register for LAC Connect

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